This month’s weird google searches
I’ve written before about the bizarre google searches that lead to people finding my blog. So I thought it was time I shared some new ones – and of course answered them, just in case they’re still looking for their answer.
- what to feed a maltese dog that has allergies and is sick of eating kangaroo mince???
That age old problem when your dog is fed up of kangaroo meat eh…. Another person googled…
- my staffy won’t eat anything else except cooked chicken
So it looks like there is a global problem with dogs being fussy or selective eaters. My advice, as a non-current-dog-owner is not to give in to your dog’s picky or selective tendencies and just feed it whatever you choose.
Despite the magic protective powers of the paleo diet, it looks like some people have still been getting colds – and even the flu! Surely there must be a mistake?
- why do i have a cold on a paleo diet
- what is this flu that's going around melbourne
- virus going around canberra
- bad flu going around Sydney
If you’re going out and about in Melbourne, Canberra or Sydney – look out for germs!
- how do I get more oil in my diet but not fat?
Hmmm, I hate to break it to you – but oil is fat. Coconut oil, olive oil, peanut oil – they’re all fat….
- paleo replacement for peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Well this is a difficult one. The classic PBJ is made of bread – not paleo; peanut butter, not paleo; and jelly/ jam – not paleo. How about if we substitute the bread for celery, swap the peanut butter for almond butter and use real strawberries as an alternative for the jelly? Not quite doing it for you?
- started paleo and my wife says I smell different
Perhaps you’ve spilt bone broth down your shirt?
- what animal parts make mince
- what part of the cow is mincemeat
I wish I could say the rump, but in reality the whole point on mince/ ground meat is to make use of parts of the animal that would otherwise be wasted. So your answer is likely to be mainly the offcuts.
- coconut oil for suffocating insect
Er, how about no? Maybe you could let it outside if it’s bothering you?
- paleo alternative for lasagne can be penne pasta
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not the shape of the pasta that makes it not paleo. Spaghetti, Fusilli, Vermicelli, Fettuccine, Tagliatelle, Macaroni or Farfalle – it doesn’t matter – they’re not paleo.
- margarine substitute paleo
This is an easy one – how about coconut oil or butter (if you do dairy)
- paleo substitute for soy turkey
Gosh, I must be missing something here. Instead of eating synthetic soy turkey, what could you possibly have that is paleo instead? Hmmmmm…. How about TURKEY?!
- should I eat genetically modified crops?
Probably best to avoid those GMO’s…
- kangaroo versus ostrich fillets which is better?
Decisions, decisions…. Kangaroo or Ostrich. It can be hard living in Australia sometimes. Having never tried Ostrich, I don’t feel qualified to comment – if you have, perhaps you could help this person out by leaving your preference in the comments?
- will I still have weight loss on paleo if everything isn’t organic
Whilst in an ideal world everything we’d eat would be organic (local, seasonal and unprocessed), in the real world it’s not always so easy. Fortunately this shouldn’t impact on your weight loss efforts.
- what kind of knives do they use on my kitchen rules
Good question! And one that seems hard to find the answer too. Master Chef use Global Knives, and judging by the amount of blue band aids the contestants have – they’re clearly very sharp!
- is buying a restaurant in a food court a good idea
Well, I might be biased, but I’d say probably not if it’s a fast food restaurant, I don’t think they’re doing so well these days. But a real food restaurant – now we’re talking!
- paleo crocodile recipe
Unfortunately I’m all out of paleo crocodile recipes at the moment, but as soon as I’ve experimented with snake recipes, I’ll move straight onto crocodile recipe development!
- is the teflon coating on paleo
No, definitely not. Don’t eat it – and if it starts to come off, it’s time to throw your pan away!
- what counts as two dress sizes
Er, is this a trick question? Maybe going from a size 14 to a size 10?
Even More Strange Google Searches (And What They Say About Us)
Apparently, the internet is full of curious minds—and Google is where those curiosities end up. Every month, I see a new wave of hilariously bizarre, oddly specific, and occasionally alarming searches that somehow direct people to my little Paleo blog. Below are some fresh ones that recently popped up. Let’s unpack them together, shall we?
“how to eat paleo without eating vegetables”
Ah, the holy grail of lazy caveman eating. Technically, yes—you can eat meat, eggs, and fruit and still call it Paleo-ish. But vegetables are kind of the point. Fibre, micronutrients, antioxidants—you know, the stuff your gut microbiome throws a party over? Maybe try hiding some spinach in your morning eggs and see if anyone (even you) notices.
“paleo cereal that tastes like Coco Pops”
I admire the ambition here. While there’s no exact Paleo equivalent of chocolate rice puffs, you could try toasting coconut flakes with cacao and a drizzle of maple syrup for a crunchy cereal fix. It won’t snap, crackle or pop—but it might just satisfy that nostalgic craving.
“why am I still bloated on paleo”
Oh friend, I hear you. It could be too many nuts, cruciferous veg, or perhaps you're suddenly downing more meat than a lion at a barbecue. Also, chewing slower helps (so does not stress-eating half a tray of baked sweet potatoes at 10pm, just saying).
“how to do paleo without quitting coffee\”
This one hits home. Paleo purists may say to ditch it, but most of us aren’t giving up our morning brew. Try it black, or add a dash of coconut milk. Just skip the sugary syrups and barista blends with mystery ingredients.
“paleo for kids who only eat beige food”
If your toddler’s ideal food pyramid is shaped like a potato chip, you’re not alone. Paleo chicken nuggets (made with almond meal or coconut flour) and homemade sweet potato chips are a great start. Also, try pancakes made with banana and egg—they’re beige and secretly nutritious.
“do cavemen eat at Subway”
Short answer: no. Long answer: only if you’re in a post-apocalyptic theme park and the Subway is run by velociraptors. But if you’re in a pinch, order a salad bowl and skip the dressing. Close enough?
“is rice paleo if I say it is”
This sounds like a philosophical argument in the making. Technically no, rice is a grain and not Paleo. But if your version of Paleo includes white rice as a personal exception? Then maybe you’re following “Paleo with benefits.” Just don’t tell Loren Cordain.
“how to explain paleo to my grandma”
Tell her it’s like how she used to eat when she was young—meat, veg, broth, eggs, fruit, and none of that microwave packet stuff. If she nods and offers you a biscuit, you’re halfway there.
“is wine paleo if it's organic”
Now we’re getting technical. While wine isn’t part of a strict Paleo diet, many people include the occasional glass—especially if it’s sulphite-free and made with minimal intervention. It’s a grey area, but hey, Paleo isn’t a religion. Cheers to moderation!
“can I be paleo if I hate cooking”
Absolutely! You just need to embrace batch cooking and simple meals. Roast a tray of chicken thighs, bake a bunch of sweet potatoes, and sauté some frozen veg in coconut oil. No Michelin stars required.
“do cavepeople eat cupcakes”
If they did, they were hiding some serious baking skills. But today, we’ve got almond flour, coconut flour, and natural sweeteners to help us cheat the system. Paleo cupcakes? Yes. Just don’t eat six in one sitting and call it ‘ancestral health’.
“what if I eat paleo but still want snacks at night”
We’ve all been there. Keep a stash of Paleo-approved snacks like boiled eggs, beef jerky, or a handful of macadamias. Better yet, prep some bliss balls with dates, cacao and almonds for when the sweet tooth strikes.
“paleo food for hangover”
The modern hunter-gatherer occasionally overdoes the fermented grape, I get it. Scrambled eggs with avocado, bone broth, and a banana can do wonders. Hydrate, sleep it off, and try not to regret dancing barefoot on that pub table.
“how to do paleo when your partner keeps buying bread”
Ah, the ancient art of cohabiting with non-believers. My advice: smile, nod, and designate a “carb zone” in your kitchen. Then proceed to cook the most delicious Paleo meals possible until they secretly convert.
“paleo air fryer recipes that don’t taste like sadness”
Challenge accepted. Try air fryer buffalo cauliflower, crispy chicken wings, or salmon patties. Drizzle with tahini or aioli made with avocado oil. Boom—no sadness in sight.
“can I survive on sweet potato and bacon”
Technically yes, but your gut and your doctor might stage an intervention. Throw in some greens and call it a meal, not a dare.
“how to do paleo without being annoying at parties”
Pro tip: offer to bring a dish. Paleo devilled eggs, meatballs, or dark chocolate bark travel well and make you look generous, not difficult. Plus, you’ll always have something you can eat.
“paleo-friendly foods that don’t feel like a punishment”
If your Paleo meals feel like punishment, you’re doing it wrong. Think butter chicken with cauliflower rice, zucchini fritters, lamb koftas with tahini drizzle, or chocolate mousse made with avocado and cacao. There’s so much joy to be had—no deprivation required.
So, what have we learned?
The internet is full of Paleo-curious, Paleo-confused, and occasionally Paleo-sarcastic people trying to find their way. If that’s you—welcome. You’re among friends here. The Paleo lifestyle doesn’t have to be boring or rigid; it can be funny, flexible, and full of flavour.
And if you’ve found this page because you googled something like “paleo sandwich that looks like a turtle” or “caveman meal prep containers,” please say hi in the comments—I’d love to know what else is floating around in the Google-verse!
