This week’s strangest Google searches

Every so often I look at the Google searches that brings people to this blog. And as you’ll see, there are some really strange ones. These are the searches that have confused me this week…

“what to feed a maltese dog that has allergies and is sick of eating kangaroo mince???”

(Er, just a suggestion – something other than kangaroo mince?)

“ive cooked a chicken, can i give my cat the jelly stock”

(I'm no cat expert, but maybe it depends on whether your cat likes jelly stock?)

“facebook sad to see what parents do with their babies”

(Perhaps you should be asking social services, rather than me?)

“indonesian women carrying heavy things on their heads”

(Have strong heads?)

“can you make cauliflower rice using a smoothie maker”

(Wouldn’t that be a cauliflower smoothie?)

“is buying a restaurant in a food court a good idea”

(Are we talking McDonalds or Subway?)

“where can i buy refined sunflower oil in Melbourne”

(You’ve come to completely the wrong blog…)

“does kale have to be washed before making chips”

(Let me guess. You've just made a batch of kale chips, then noticed some dried in dirt and maybe an insect – and you're hoping to get the go ahead to dive in? Would it annoy you if I suggested you make a new batch with clean kale?)

“packed lunch ideas for men with no microwaves”

(Ah, if only you’d asked me for lunch ideas for 27-35 year old women with microwaves, I’d have been able to help)

“does crooked teeth lead to a sloped forehead”

(Perhaps you should Google dentist? Or doctor?)

“what is the perfect use of pork and knife”

(Do you mean fork and knife? Or are you trying to eat roast pork without a fork? I’m confused.)

“marine tells kid to shop somewhere else”

(Are you a marine who dislikes children? Or a kid who's been thrown out of a shop? Either way, I'm confused.)

“can you get high off of kangaroo jerky”

(I don't even know where to start with this one)

“where to buy minced meat for babies”

(Everything about that sentence sounds wrong)

“best ipad cover for reading in bed”

(And you found my blog, how?)

“can i just live off fizzy drinks”

(No. Just no.)

“going to work with the flu”

(And passing it on to everyone else?)

“wolves eating a trolley”

(I have nothing for you)

“how to give up food”

(probably best to save this one until you’re dead?)